Count your age with friends but not with years. -- Anonymous3
Don t anthropomorphize computers -- they hate it. -- Anonymous
Don t trust anyone over 30 who used to say "Don t trust anyone over 30." -- Anonymous
Give her two red roses, each with a note. The first note says "For the woman I love" and the second, "For my best friend." -- Anonymous
Never practice two vices4 at once. -- Tallulah Bankhead
Never moon a werewolf. -- Mike Binder5
Never express yourself more clearly than you are able to think. -- Niels Bohr
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. -- Erma Bombeck
Always behave like a duck--keep calm and unruffled on the surface but paddle like the devil underneath6. -- Jacob Braude
If someone offers you a breath mint, accept it. -- H. Jackson Brown, Jr., Life s Little Treasure Book, on wisdom
Let the refining and improving of your own life keep you so busy that you have little time to criticize others. -- H. Jackson Brown
You have it easily in your power to increase the sum total of this world s happiness now. How? By giving a few words of sincere appreciation7 to someone who is lonely or discouraged. Perhaps you will forget tomorrow the kind words you say today, but the recipient8 may cherish them over a lifetime. -- Dale Carnegie
Never go to bed angry. Stay up and fight. -- Phyllis Diller
Never judge a book by its movie. -- J. W. Eagan
The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe9 when he contemplates10 the mysteries of eternity11, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity. -- Albert Einstein
Don t bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors12. Try to be better than yourself. -- William Faulkner
Never be possessive. If a female friend lets on that she is going out with another man, be kind and understanding. If she says she would like to go out with the Dallas Cowboys, including the coaching staff, the same rule applies. Tell her: "Kath, you just go right ahead and do what you feel is right." Unless you actually care for her, in which case you must see to it that she has no male contact whatsoever13. -- Bruce Jay Friedman
A Code of Honor: Never approach a friend s girlfriend or wife with mischief14 as your goal. There are just too many women in the world to justify15 that sort of dishonorable behavior. Unless she s really_ attractive. -- Bruce Friedman
Don t ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up. -- Robert Frost
You can t shake hands with a clenched16 fist. -- Indira Gandhi
Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance. -- King George V
One ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture and, if possible, speak a few reasonable words. -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you re in deep water. -- Sidney Goff
Beware of men on airplanes. The minute a man reaches thirty thousand feet, he immediately becomes consumed by distasteful sexual fantasies which involve doing uncomfortable things in those tiny toilets. These men should not be encouraged, their fantasies are sadly low-rent and unimaginative. Affect an aloof17, cool demeanor18 as soon as any man tries to draw you out. Unless, of course, he s the pilot. -- Cynthia Heimel
Never judge someone by who he s in love with; judge him by his friends. People fall in love with the most appalling19 people. Take a cool, appraising20 glance at his pals21. -- Cynthia Heimel
When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically22 thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting23 like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So what the hell, leap. -- Cynthia Heimel, "Lower Manhattan Survival Tactics" in Village Voice
Dew knot trussed yore spell chequer two fined awl24 yore mistakes. -- Brendan Hills
Live truth instead of professing25 it. -- Elbert Hubbard
Call on God, but row away from the rocks. -- Indian proverb
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. -- John F. Kennedy
When you are right, you cannot be too radical26; When you are wrong, you cannot be too conservative. -- Martin Luther King, Jr.
I will try to follow the advice that a university president once gave a prospective27 commencement speaker. "Think of yourself as the body at an Irish wake" he said. "They need you in order to have the party, but no one expects you to say very much." -- Anthony Lake, national security advisor28, at University of Massachusettes, Amhurst, Graduation 1995
For best results: wash in cold water separately, hang dry and iron with warm iron. For not so good results: drag behind car through puddles29, blow-dry on roofrack. -- Laundry instructions on a shirt made by HEET
For the love of God, folks, don t do this at home. -- David Letterman, CBS Late Show, demonstrating the Donut-o-pult, 1995
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig. -- Lazarus Long
You can t learn too soon that the most useful thing about a principle is that it can always be sacrificed to expediency30. -- W. Somerset Maugham
If you can t feed a hundred people, then feed just one. -- Mother Teresa
Give the people not hell, but hope and courage. -- John Murray
Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife. -- P. J. O Rourke
Don t look back -- something might be gaining on you. -- Satchel31 Paige
Trust, but verify. -- Ronald Reagan
It may be that the race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong -- but that is the way to bet. -- Damon Runyan
We have to keep trying things we re not sure we can pull off. If we just do the things we know we can do... you don t grow as much. You gotta take those chances on making those big mistakes. -- Cybill Shepherd
Start slow and taper32 off. -- Walt Stack, marathon runner
If you can t convince them, confuse them. -- Harry33 S. Truman
Always do right; this will gratify some people and astonish the rest. -- Mark Twain
Good breeding consists in concealing34 how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person. -- Mark Twain
Change before you have to. -- Jack Welch
